I kind of feel like you asked a question you knew I couldn’t say no to considering what has been going on. After what happened I couldn’t just leave, not now. I guess I’m hella fucked up for even think about it huh ? But you can’t help a persons feelings. Replay and replay …the tragedy of our repetitive relationship. I got mad love for you. More as a best friend … Then a lover .
It’s been awhile. I’ve made a lot of mistakes . One main thing always pulls me back out of chances of happiness I could’ve hoped for. Or maybe I’d always pull myself back ? It’s just the worst time for me to be making these decisions, but I want to be on my own. I want to be free from you and this attachment . But I know you need me right now, more then ever. My happiness should count, but I can’t be selfish and wrexkless anymore. I need to slowly progress and change . School starts soon so I hope that will keep me occupied . I need to start being home more , or just no more city outings . I miss everyone and they things used to be. I hope all the broken parts of everything right now will soon be fixed. My faith in myself and for my happiness is at its weakest point, but a bit is still there.
Seriously there is nothing more then I love about having real interest in a conversation and someone having that same interest back. Especially if it is an out of the ordinary type or those long ass talks discussing shit you hardly talk about with other people. That little feeling that you know you clicked with someone. Being able to stay intrigued and can continously talk til forever. Talks about your passions, goals, fears, past, and anything else that just seems important to you guys. Those talks can happen with anyone, but for both the people to genuinely be interested is rare. Maybe it is just me? I have a few people like this, so I appreciate those that have these types of connections with me.
I have some relief and joy from finally going to school. January 23rd. BCC & Laney. I know it is a feeling of finally progressing. I know I might not be entirely ready or that self discilpined yet, but I hope this pushes to change the way I need to. Besides I hate rotting around just working and chilling. I love learning new shit. Lets go, SCHOOL GRIND .