I just want to make a post about Love like most are. One important key to loving someone the right way that I’ve learned is to never be selfish. When your in a relationship it’s not just about YOU anymore its about YOU & YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. And when you’ve come to the point that you feel like you truly love someone; You do whats best for them. Put into perspective how shit will work in the long run and how the things you do will affect them. Doing whats right or best for someone isn’t always the best feeling, but knowing they will be better off with whatever is has its own satisfaction. Their happiness should be at the up most priority no matter how much it may hurt.
& the type of person I follow this. I have the worst problem to deal with, and as much as i want/need you to be there. I can’t have you go through this with me. You don’t need to be tied down to this and should be living up life like you already are. I don’t want to cut into your time that you spend with your friends or whatever you do. I don’t want to limit what you can and can not do. I just want you to be happy…and going through this with me i know for a fact won’t make you happy. I love you and 100% don’t want to let this go, but you don’t deserve to be put through this.
That’s what I am doing for myself. I know hella people will judge me on this, They will probably run their mouths with it too & I’m sure that a lot of people won’t understand and think its a whole bunch of BS. I can’t say I don’t care cause I do a little bit. I’m taking in the fact that their is in fact a problem with me. Simply, I’m fighting it in ways that might not permanently help but do in its moments. All i can say is, I’m trying. I will be M.I.A to just restart.
I’m a girl. I have feelings. I overreact. I underestimate. I over think everything. I look too deep into everything’s meaning. I dream big. My expectations are high. I can tell when I’m being lied to, but sometimes I wish I didn’t. Yes I get jealous, and I’m always scared I’ll lose you. That’s why when I ask how you are I mean it. When I ask how was your day, I genuinely want to know. And when I say I love you, I’m not lying.
Changes never happen in an instant. For some they might for others it may take longer. Whether it may be waiting for a change, or making that change. We all have to take lil steps to reach big successes. I keep wanting to get everything done at once and see results right after, but that’s just not going to happen. I, myself have to embrace the fact life and processes of things all go at their own pace; I just have to be patient. Along with the topic of change. I do have to start making changes in myself and stop complaining about others faults. I need to fix my faults and just live life. Not just living to live, but living life to its full extent. & i will mos def be living it up but working hard too :D
We all make mistakes in relationships, regardless of them it doesn’t mean we love the person any less. Just because we may have done something, just means we’re stupid and fuck up once ina while. I hate when people say “If you really loved me then you wouldn’t have blah blah blah”. Hypocrisy, since I’ve probably said it before but STILL. Shit is bound to happen & mistakes will be made but learning from them is all we can do. Were not always in our right mind. Either way love is still there….just cause someone fucks up doesn’t mean they don’t truly love you…They just FUCKED UP.
I’ve been having the worst sleeping habits and problems. I am not sure why but I keep waking up and feel wide awake. I need to find someone who I can call and help me fall asleep or just stay up with me. The people I run to fail to do that for me or I feel like I am bothering them. I hate the feeling of waking up early in the A.M. being wide awake and feeling LONELY. I suppose its lightweight depressing and I just need someone to talk to. Am i the only one that goes through this ? I just need someone to be there for me at the oddest hour of the day. sigh.
Since I just woke up & i got a shitload of homework.
Today, During an assembly in my third period we had a speaker come in. Now, when speakers come in I could give a less of two fucks what they talk about and just be in own zone doing shit, but This DUDE WAS FUCKING DEEP. He talked bout his life and being homeless at the age of fourteen and how he had to hop around places finding ways to survive. His whole family was basically fucked up and broken. Still, he forgave em….He had a new perspective and mentality ; thats what education did for him. He taught me how to MOVE ON from things and just let go. That no matter how hard it gets when your at your lowest , you needa strive to get higher. Realizing i really gotta do whats BEST FOR ME, in the end Im all I got ? My mind is starting to be indecisive again about alot of things but at least i know ima focused on fighting to get where I wanna go.
My close friend lately has been complaining about the decisions I’ve been making for myself. The biggest issue was the one with my boyfriend. I had doubts before and was indecisive about my feelings and our relationship, but after a shitty three days trying to work things out; Me & him Prevailed. I can honestly say right now I am the happiest I could be with him. We’ve learned to better communicate and i believe that was the key all along ? & were gonna keep growing strong too<3 Now that I have told my close friend, she doubts it. She constantly judges us, and in her high beliefs says it won’t work out. All that she does is look at the faults of the relationship and says I am better off without him. Just to say, it irritates the living fuck outta me.
So this is to anyone who feels like everyone is judging their damn relationship!:
No one knows the relationship better then you and your bf/gf.
As long as you feel like you know your truly happy with that person, FUCK THE WORLDS OPINIONS.
If someone ADVISES you to leave that person, its on you. Never let there judgment affect yours.
Just know its your relationship and not anybody elses to be sticking their business into.
I wanna start putting together spoken word videos. I’ve been watching some and is mos def inspired! Im start hopping on ideas & writing more. Im really excited to get this started! Help would been absolutely wonderful. This is something im gonna start & end.
I stay mad at MYSELF. Ive always been consumed by doubts but I could never digest the full reason why. Only consequences of being unsure& 50/50 is hurting someone you didn’t want to. So far i came to the conclusion that over some time I have built up my expectations to a level im not sure anybody wants to be at. I must admit i probably fit the stereotype of being complicated as fuck & mad hard to deal with. Id be really surprised to see who can deal with me & stay on the level of my expectations. Yeaup, i do find i have alot of neccessities(needs) but someone who puts enough effort in it to provide that for me without complaints; That would be muthafckn amazing. I just got so used to little things in relationships; the lovey dovey ish Or maybe i just adapted to it too much that I can accept to this change of difference. Then again i dont wanna be an authority& tell someone what to do. I dont want you to do it just because I said so, But beause you want to. As far as realtionships go, arent they suppose to progress ? Contemplating if Im patient enough to wait for it, or if its even certain to happen. This, for me, is a STAND STILL. & im really hating the feeling of lost feelings and not giving a fuck bout what you do. Im suppose to care, but i guess i just made myself this way so i dont gotta get hyped up & mad for no reason. Overalll, is this just all my fault ? blame myself ? cause im not tryna point fingers. All i know is I dont wanna loose you, but we gotta do whats the best for the both of us… ?